This is the climb that almost took a life. I had found the line a few days prior to the accident and I was completely obsessed by its beauty and prominent position. It looked high, hard, and scary. All the things I entertain when bouldering. The shape looked like a big middle finger hovering on the cliff line. Pronouncing it’s hatred into the valley. The obvious king line. Jethrow and I went to go rope it up and explore more possibilities for FA’s. Well, nature had a different plan for us that day I suppose. While hiking up to the climb, just a couple hundred feet below it, a huge rock dislodged and caught Jeth, crushing both of his legs. We were alone, just me and him and the dogs, and in a no service area about 25 minute hike from the road.
Luckily for the both of us we are both fighters, and luckily for both of us, somehow, we were both prepared. That day, I learned the extent of his strength. I’m so happy he was able to battle long enough for me to be able to run for help. It took almost 5 hours for him to eventually be heli-rescued. Two and a half of which weren’t medicated. He was bleeding out and both legs were badly broken. His strong mind and will to live, my fight for fast action, and the dedication of the medical team at the hospital saved his life. But, it cost him his right leg. And I can’t thank him enough for being a warrior when he needed to be. I’m definitely not done hanging out with this amazing human...
The following weeks after the accident I lost my passion for climbing. It all of a sudden seemed like the smallest thing in the world. My heart was crushed that I had almost lost a friend out doing something that was supposed to just be fun. But that’s nature. It does not give a fuck. And it can happen in even “seemingly” safe terrain. This climb haunted me. This area haunted me. The dreams I had for weeks left me awakening to a body of sweat and a soul of cowardice. Fear had penetrated its way in deep. I had hiked that same spot by myself just days before. All the what if’s found me. I didn’t want to go back but I had spoke to Jeth and he had said that I should go out and finish it off. That place, that fucking torturous place, became my enemy, and I needed to find a way to defeat it. I won’t lie, I was as savage as nature for the 4 days I spent out there chalking, brushing, screaming, crying and cussing, A LOT! It was hard, access was thorny and painful it was in the sun always so it was hot and sweaty. Everything about this place seemed to be my new “torture chamber.” My pain therapy...
On the third day on it, I sent the “high start” which is this video. I only had 3 pads (of which I was a few inches shy to pad stack) so I had elmar give me an assist to send the top of the line. I sent and then looked at the valley. The first spot I saw was that same massive rock that caused all of our pain. I broke down, feeling some sense of relief that “something, at least fucking something” had finally came from it. But, I knew I wouldn’t be satisfied until I did the entire line. And I knew that it was possible that physically I couldn’t do it. One more fucking torturous day was sure to come. 2 days later, my last morning in Rocklands, I went out solo to face my dragon again. It was a fury of a two hour sesh of attempts. I failed on the hard moves that block the hard top of this boulder over and over and over until I was a whipped dog. I gave up, and erupted. A complete break down, I smashed trees and threw rocks, trundled boulders with menacing screams of frustration. Tears poured down my face as I beat myself to a pulp... I punched the crash pads for about 5 minutes with savage hate and rage, not realizing that I was beating my soul, not just the pads. If I had dynamite I would’ve blown that fucking boulder to a million pieces just to erase it from time... but then a silence fell over me... I sat and breathed... I centered my anger and doubt for one, last, try... one last desperate attempt. And then it went.... just like that the story was over. I only had two pads so falling was not an option and I let out every bit of emotion on that send. Screaming profanities every, single, move. I climbed with my pain, and I wanted the rock to know what I was feeling.
It’s not worth it, and I would give up climbing for good to change what happened out there. But this is just the hard truth. This shit is dangerous. We all know that. And shit happens. But it felt good to put an end to this weird chapter of my life. I needed to get my fight back, and that day I found myself. A climb has never meant so much to me, mainly because I’ve always climbed for myself. Every climber has selfish pursuits, it’s just the way it is... but this one wasn’t just for me...
I love the shit outta you Jeth, thanks for being a fighter... this one is for you...
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